Re: if Noah were alive today. Sorry, no Bolger on this one.
You forgot:
And SNAME objected because God is not a registered Marine Engineer!
And SNAME objected because God is not a registered Marine Engineer!
--- In bolger@y..., djost@m... wrote:
> Boat building troubles .......
>
> For those who think they have too many problems with building their
> boats I offer this bit of inspirational humor that was recently e-
> mailed to me. It is a sign of the times.
>
> It is the year 2001 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord
> speaks toNoah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and
> cover the wholeearth with water until all is destroyed. But I want
> you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living
> thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
>
> In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an
> Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build
> the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and
> bring everything aboard in one year."
>
> Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and
> all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah
> sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is
the
> Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but
there
> were big problems.
>
> First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did
not
> comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw
> the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not
the
> Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my
> neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by
> building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from
> the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood
for
> the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the
> Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service
> that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and
> Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
>
> The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
> negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16
> carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding
up
> the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They
> objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got
> the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete
the
> Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your
proposed
> flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no
> jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
> Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of proposed new
flood
> plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a
> complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
that
> I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving
> people aboard!
>
> The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the
Ark
> in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just
got
> a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed
> to register the Ark as a recreational water craft.
>
> " Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against
> further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding
> the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
I
> really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!"
> Noah wailed.
>
> The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began
to
> calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up
hopefully. "You
> mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
>
> "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."
>
>
>
>
> If he had built a Micro, he could have at least save the owls.
Boat building troubles .......
For those who think they have too many problems with building their
boats I offer this bit of inspirational humor that was recently e-
mailed to me. It is a sign of the times.
It is the year 2001 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord
speaks toNoah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and
cover the wholeearth with water until all is destroyed. But I want
you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living
thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an
Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build
the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and
bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and
all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah
sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the
Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there
were big problems.
First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not
comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw
the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the
Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my
neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by
building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from
the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood for
the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the
Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service
that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and
Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16
carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up
the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They
objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got
the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the
Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed
flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no
jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of proposed new flood
plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a
complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that
I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving
people aboard!
The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark
in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got
a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed
to register the Ark as a recreational water craft.
" Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against
further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding
the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I
really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!"
Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to
calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You
mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."
If he had built a Micro, he could have at least save the owls.
For those who think they have too many problems with building their
boats I offer this bit of inspirational humor that was recently e-
mailed to me. It is a sign of the times.
It is the year 2001 and Noah lives in the United States. The Lord
speaks toNoah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and
cover the wholeearth with water until all is destroyed. But I want
you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living
thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an
Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build
the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and
bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and
all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah
sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the
Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there
were big problems.
First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not
comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw
the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the
Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. Then my
neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by
building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from
the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood for
the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the
Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service
that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and
Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16
carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up
the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They
objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got
the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the
Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed
flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no
jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of proposed new flood
plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a
complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that
I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving
people aboard!
The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark
in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got
a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed
to register the Ark as a recreational water craft.
" Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against
further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding
the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I
really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!"
Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to
calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You
mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."
If he had built a Micro, he could have at least save the owls.